


A Purpose, A Home

by night_swimming



Category: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016)
Genre: A quick lesson in bartering and ship trading economics, Consensual Sex, Eventual Romance, F/M, Flirting, Mutual Pining, Post-Canon, Post-Rogue One, Sharing a Bed, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, Talkin’ about feelings, Trust, celebratory drinking, follows A New Hope timeline, rating for last chapter, space passenger ferries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-20
Updated: 2018-04-11
Packaged: 2019-04-04 21:32:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14029188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/night_swimming/pseuds/night_swimming
Summary: Still recovering from Scarif, Jyn and Cassian leave on a mission to sell a stolen imperial jumper. The mission heals more than they expected.





	1. Jyn

**Author's Note:**

> If you’re reading this – welcome! This is my _first_ fanfic so I hope you enjoy!
> 
> This story picks up after Rogue One and follows Jyn and Cassian during the time depicted in A New Hope. They sell a ship! They have feelings! Do they bone in the end? You’ll just have to read and find out… 
> 
> Chapters will switch POV between Jyn and Cassian.

Jyn was nearly blinded as the lift doors opened, the sunlight and smoke and shouting overloaded her senses as she struggled across the cargo pad towards the beach. Squinting, she shaded her watering eyes with her free hand and caught a blur of motion. Figures. Moving quickly. At or away from them? Stromtroopers? Allies? She couldn’t tell. Everything was so hot, the sun reflecting off the near-white sand was filling her eyes, throbbing in the back of her skull. Cassian couldn’t put weight on one side of his body and she nearly fell over trying to lurch forward, one arduous step after another. Her knee screamed in pain with every bend. The figures were moving towards them, she could tell now, and Cassian was the one with the blaster. _Think_ , she said, trying to connect her brain to her body. _Do something._

That something, unfortunately, was her knee finally giving out. She slammed to the ground, Cassian tumbling out of her grip. Her vision faded in and out. Unable to concentrate, a rush of panic wrapped in adrenaline surged within her. In a final act of desperation she flung herself over Cassian, trying to protect him.

"Jyn! JYN!" a familiar voice echoed through her ringing ears. 

She looked up, the sun eclipsed by a large figure. It was like something out of a dream.

"Baze?" she managed, the last of her air leaving her lungs. The world went black.

\- - - - -

Jyn sensed time passing, maybe quickly, maybe very slowly. She tried to concentrate…

Cassian’s legs dangling limply over Baze’s arms. 

The cool, steel wall of an Imperial Jumper against her cheek. 

The cargo hold echoing with quiet moans of solders approaching death. 

Begging the medic on Yavin 4 to take Cassian, please, please, you have to help him. 

Her last breath as a needle slipped into the vein at her elbow, plunging her into sleep.

\- - - - -

Jyn squirmed in the chair, trying to find a comfortable position. Her knee, firmly wrapped to prevent more damage, pulsed. Unsuccessful, she grumbled in frustration as she awkwardly hobbled to commandeer a nearby table for a footrest. _Elevation and rest,_ the medic said when she was discharged not a half hour ago, and already she was doing a poor job at following those orders. Jyn hadn’t asked any questions about her own condition upon waking, instead demanding at first breath to know where Cassian was. The medic forced her to remain seated and finish a glass of some pale, pinkish liquid before they would clear her. She chugged it, defiantly, stood ungracefully and marched across the makeshift medical bay to find him. 

They had drugged Cassian after his surgery, something to keep him asleep and to speed the bonding of his muscles to his new synthetic bones. His chest was wrapped in thick, cream-colored cloth, looped and woven around him from armpit to navel. A separate piece of bandage wound around his right bicep and the two were fastened together, effectively pinning his arm to his side. Cassian’s hands lay palm up against his thighs, his fingers twitching slightly as Jyn watched. Even while asleep he frowned, pulling the inner corners of his eyebrows together, turning down the outer edges of his lips. The medics had stitched closed a large incision at his hairline, barely noticeable now except for the thin line of dried blood that trailed down his temple and into the edge of his stubble. Jyn reached out to touch his arm and stopped, thinking better of it. 

Jyn’s heart twisted and pulled as she studied him from her perch next to his cot. She had noticed it, this unfamiliar pressure in her chest, the first time she saw him, at the tense meeting with General Draven and Mon Mothma. It happened again when Cassian circled her in the hanger bay, welcoming her home, stepping a little too close.

 _Longing,_ she thought, allowing herself to acknowledge it finally. 

She tried to suppress the sick feeling in the back of her throat as she thought about the weight of Cassian’s broken body in her arms, barely able to stand with his own strength. He had climbed, risen from the ashes, ascended to save her one final time. When the lift doors closed behind them he nearly collapsed onto her, his breath jagged and rasping with the awkward pressure of ribs on lungs. Her twisted knee had throbbed under the extra weight but she didn’t, wouldn’t, let go. 

_Why was that?_ She had let so many people go over the years – walking away when things got tough or complicated or uncomfortable. Slipping out in the middle of the night, jumping the next transport off-planet. Burning bridges and never looking back. There were only a handful of beings she might have at one point called friends, even fewer she would say she trusted. Some people she encountered tried to use her, taking advantage of her for their profit and gain. Others, she thought now, through the lens of time and hindsight, were just trying to help. She curled her hands into fists, digging her nails into her calloused palms. She had been so angry, so _alone_ , for so long. She made one mistake too many – reckless in her abandon of self-preservation – and ended up in that force-forsaken labor camp.

She didn’t owe him anything, Jyn reminded herself, watching Cassian’s chest rise and fall rhythmically under the bandages. He made his own choices, followed his own path just as she did. It just seemed like her path had deposited her directly at his feet, and his impact on her was hard to ignore. The last person who saved her life three times in as many days was Saw and he hadn’t let her forget it. 

_Jyn_ , he said, _if I catch you out on patrol again without any backup plan, I will throw you to a sarlacc myself._ She knew Saw meant it. On patrol her blaster jammed while trying to fend off a pack of hungry scav dogs. Saw arrived just in time, wasting no breath in delivering admonishments of her ill-preparedness while he sent the pack running with a few shots. He assigned someone to begin teaching her hand-to-hand combat the next day. She was only eleven. 

\- - - - -

Hours dragged on and Jyn’s attention wandered. She was a little surprised Draven hadn’t already marched into the med bay to take her away in handcuffs. She had blatantly encouraged others to disobey a direct order, and while she herself was not technically a part of the Rebel Alliance her actions spoke otherwise. Cassian was just as culpable, she thought, buoyed slightly by the knowledge that his fate would be the same as hers. Snippets of conversation drifting past her suggested that the Alderaanian ship the plans were transmitted to was missing. Some people whispered that the Empire had destroyed the ship, others that it had escaped and was last heard from in the outer rim. Jyn pressed her palms to her forehead and chewed on her bottom lip. The only thing everyone agreed on was open war was coming.

Jyn grew tired as the anxious relief of finding Cassian alive and intact wore off. Stifling a yawn, she rested on chest and folded arms, filling the space between Cassian’s leg and the cot’s edge. Twisting in the chair, her knee still protesting any movement, she curled up against the cot as comfortably as she could. Eyes closed, her mind wandered and as her guard fell, guilt crept in and dug itself into the edges of her thoughts. Guilt at the people – soldiers, rebels, pilots – that had died today because of her, because of the Empire. Guilt that she had allowed herself to wish that her father – her own father – was dead when every day of his imprisonment he was working for her, sacrificing for her. And now guilt over these feelings for Cassian that she could not balance – equal parts telling her to run, to leave before she got hurt but also to stay, that he would understand, that maybe she could find a home here.

But mostly, deep down past the guilt and the pain and the exhaustion, Jyn felt sorry for herself. She was now truly alone in this galaxy. The people from her past that she cared for – her father, her mother, Saw – they were all dead. She had been on her own for the better part of a decade, yes, but now, today, it was real. Forehead to the back of her hands, hot tears tumbled down her cheeks. They were slow at first but soon Jyn couldn’t control herself as the grief she’d been holding back broke through. When she tried to compose herself, sniffling loudly, another wave would crest over her and draw her back down into the icy, self-deprecating depths. Shoulders shaking lightly, she gave in and let her own darkness pull her under. Lying across the corner of Cassian’s cot, the cuffs of her sleeves damp from tears, Jyn fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	2. Cassian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian wakes up.

Cassian was awake before his eyes could open, his mind straining to rise to the surface of consciousness through a thick sea of black. Blinking slowly several times his vision focused, adjusting to the dim lights absorbed by the muted stone walls, flashing icons on instruments at his periphery. He could tell he was propped up at an angle, probably – hopefully – in the Yavin 4 med bay. He tried to take a deep breath but his lungs were tight and a dull pain itched at his side. His right arm wouldn’t move so he slowly worked his left hand up and over his torso, feeling for the extent of the damage before he dared to look. He closed his eyes and explored his ribs, taking inventory, pressing gently to see what hurt the most. Groaning lightly, he suspected he’d cracked or even broken a few ribs.

He couldn’t remember how he got back to base. There were snippets, pieces of memories so brief he couldn’t be sure if they were real or from a dream – sand on his forehead, Jyn’s weight around him. Churrit’s voice repeating a quiet prayer. Shouts echoing against steel. A warm hand on his pulse.

His stiff body reminding him that he’d been asleep in one position for some time, Cassian flexed each leg to test for pain. His left shin pushed against something hard. Cracking an eyelid, he looked down and couldn’t help but smile at the disheveled mess of brown hair that greeted him. Jyn was curled up awkwardly, half on the foot of his cot, half in an exam chair she had obviously dragged over to the side of his bed. That woman could sleep anywhere. Her shoulders were drawn up towards her ears, a hand curled and tucked under her, knuckles pressed against her cheek. Her face was still dirty, streaked with sand and dust from Scarif. She somehow looked so timid in that position, but Cassian knew she was anything but that.

His mind felt slow to react, probably the lingering effects of something they gave him for pain or surgery. Cassian let the breath he had been holding in since he noticed Jyn slowly go through his nose. _Relief,_ he decided, pinpointing the pull in his chest. Less at the fact that she was alive and more at the fact that she was alive and _here_. With him. Cassian easily admitted there were many things he did not know about Jyn, but one thing he did know was that she was exceptionally good at disappearing. For some reason, this time she stuck around. He knew he had to be careful with her, to not push too hard. He wanted to show her that he felt, well, _something_ for her, but he had to be strategic about it.

Reassured by the knowledge that Jyn was nearby, Cassian fell back into a half sleep. He returned to Scarif, to falling off the databank and the sharp, sick crack that came from his chest when he made contact with the metal landing. The impact knocked the wind out of him, and must have knocked him out for a few minutes because when he came to Jyn and the Imperial Officer hunting them was gone.

The climb had been excruciating, but not as half as painful as watching Jyn’s face in the flashes of light as the lift descended from the tower. He had just found her, just began to imagine the possibilities of having someone like her with the Alliance. He had been fully prepared to die on Scarif, to sacrifice himself to the cause he owed his life to. He didn't doubt his actions for a moment until they were together, victorious in the lift, descending to an almost certain death. _But here we are,_ Cassian thought, _and now what?_

\- - - - - 

Cassian opened his eyes again, realizing he had fallen asleep. The pain in his ribs was a little sharper as he shifted, the drugs starting to wear off. He fought the urge to try and sit up, knowing the more he thought about not doing something, the more he wanted to do it.

He distracted himself by watching Jyn, still curled up against his cot. Despite the relatively short time he'd known her, Cassian could tell Jyn was different. On the surface it seemed her only drive was self-preservation, staying alive at all costs. But as he watched her back ribs rise and fall as she slept he knew deep down she was trying, in her own way, to do the right thing. She had risked her life for a cause she’d purposefully dismissed until recently, for people she had just met and barely trusted because she knew it was the right thing to do. 

Cassian was surprised how nervous he felt around her now, how his body hummed with an energy, an anticipation that it did for no one else. She was a good person, quiet and fierce and quick to fight but her actions and her words hinted at something more. He thought back to their heated exchange after Eadu, her words stuck in the back of his mind like barbs. She was right to call him out and he, unaccustomed to being challenged, went low instead of facing the truth in her words.

Maybe it was the meds talking, or maybe he was tired enough to finally confront those shadows of self-doubt that lurked at the edge of his actions. Everything used to be so easy, so clear. But now, these days… deep down he wasn’t sure if he was a good man anymore. The older he grew, the more missions he took, it seemed like the truths that were black and white in his youth slowly turned to grey. As the Empire grew stronger, the Alliance grew more desperate – lines blurred, orders conflicted. He hated himself for the doubt. Cassian of all people prided himself on being certain, of being in control. 

He owed everything to the Alliance, and if he didn’t have them, what would he become?

His spiral of self-doubt was cut short as he heard the soft sounds of Jyn waking at his knees. Blinking a few times to focus, he found her staring at him, her green eyes holding his. Sleeping on her knuckles had left round, red marks across her cheek and her tightly wound bun was partially undone. A butterfly bandage held an incision together on the edge of her forehead. She looked like someone who had fought an entire Imperial army single handedly and won. She looked beautiful.

"You stayed," he said without thinking, the words falling out of his mouth.

Jyn’s ears reddened, and she mumbled something that Cassian couldn’t hear. 

He tried to sit up a little more, to lean towards her but his exhale caught wrong and he coughed to clear his throat. _That was_ , he thought as his vision went white with pain, _a bad idea._ His side felt as if a hot knife was pressing to his ribs, digging into his diaphragm. He tried to stop but his dry throat only exacerbated the coughing fit. He gripped the sheet under him trying to get control of his body.

He felt a soft hand on the back of his neck, cradling the base of his skull, pulling him forward. 

“You’re ok,” Jyn said with a slight waver in her voice. She tipped a glass of liquid to his lips. “You’re ok.”

The pinkish liquid coated his throat, easing the dryness. “Thanks”, Cassian responded, eyes watering slightly. He took a few slow, deep breaths.

“We’re a sorry lot,” Jyn said. 

Cassian managed a half-grin. “Speak for yourself!” he said, his voice still dry. “I’ve had worse. The company is better this time, though.”

The corner of Jyn’s mouth turned up slightly.

The sat without speaking. Not uncomfortably, just letting the feeling of being together and alive settle over them. Jyn’s fingers found her necklace and turned it absently, staring in the direction of his bandages but looking, Cassian could tell, somewhere else far away. His heart twisted, wanting to tell her how glad he was that she stayed, how much it meant to him. To tell her that she didn’t have to be alone anymore if she didn’t want to be. To tell her that she was incredibly selfless and courageous for going to Scarif – words he was certain she would not use to describe herself. The intentions bubbled up and popped unspoken on his tongue as quickly as they formed. 

Feeling himself fading again, sleep prying at the edge of his mind, Cassian braved closing the distance between them. With his free hand he gripped her forearm lightly, noticing the catch in her breath but that she did not flinch or draw back.

“Your father would’ve been proud of you, Jyn,” he said, quietly, wanting her to understand how truly and sincerely he meant it.

Her eyes bright and wet, she nodded softly. Cassian closed his eyes, unable to stay awake any longer. He fell asleep still holding her arm and Jyn stayed there, unmoving, for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made the assumption that if they were rescued from the beach they wouldn't have shared that incredibly touching moment at the end of the movie and I wanted to work Cassian's last line in somehow.
> 
> Next chapter we'll be out of the med bay and on with the story!


	3. Jyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn joins the Alliance. Cassian volunteers for a mission.

Two days passed. She agreed to join them. 

Jyn had prepared herself for another lashing, reprimands for her disregard of the counsel’s decisions, her impulsive behavior. Mon Mothma instead went easy on her. She seemed almost glad at Jyn’s decision to stay and continue to fight alongside them, delivering the oath that Jyn repeated back to her, line by line.

General Draven, however, was not as pleased.

“No more chances, Erso,” he said. “I’m watching.”

Jyn was not invited to stay for the discussions that followed, senior members of intelligence and operations chatting in hushed tones, reviewing lists of those that remained and those that had died in the recent battles. Leaving the meeting Jyn realized they didn’t give her a formal rank or command chain, or even any actual responsibilities.

Trying to keep busy, she spent the morning with Churrit walking the base slowly to loosen up her knee. She listed to him describe his time as a guardian on Jedha, his life with Baze, his musings on the force. The walking felt good but she realized after a while that it was Churrit’s calmness, his non-intrusive questions and insightful comments that actually made her feel better.

That calm left her, however, as she approached the briefing room that afternoon, peeking in to find it full of people that were now her peers and superiors. Pushing away the memory of the last time she was in this room and jutting her chin forward she found a spot in the crowd, trying to stand more confidently than she felt.

The meeting began and without warning, General Draven drew the crowd’s attention to her and announced her new position as Sargent. Jyn forced herself to remain still as he spoke to not betray the anxiety that knotted in her chest, focusing her discomfort at the attention on her hands clasped at her waist. _So much for confidence,_ she thought. There were murmurs and nods of agreement but Jyn could not look up to meet their faces. She knew she should be proud of this but still her guilt lingered. She felt Cassian’s eyes on her from across the room and wondered if he had known about this. She mumbled words of thanks as the General finished and the meeting continued on. 

She waited until her heart wasn’t thumping quite as loudly in her ears to look at him. Cassian was still watching at her, searching her face for an answer. She held his gaze for a moment before breaking it to sweep the room. Soldiers, pilots, operations staff, and intelligence officers ran the ring of the table, in some places two or three deep. This was the first strategy session after what was left of the Alliance troops returned from Scarif and the mood was tense. They knew the Death Star plans had been successfully transmitted and received by a ship that had since been captured, however the whereabouts of the plans, and whether the Empire knew the location of the Yavin 4 base were two large, pressing unknowns.

Jyn shifted, uncomfortable, as the debate in the room around next steps and courses of action dragged on. Her knee pounded dully as she tried to find a position that favored it. Refocusing on the conversation, she heard Cassian speak.

“We need to unload the Jumper that was stolen from Scarif before the codes are filed as destroyed and they deactivate them,” he said. “It’s valuable – if we find the right buyer.” There were several nods and sounds of agreement.

“I second that,” one of the majors said. “Do you have someone in mind?”

“A few. I can get it done.” Cassian responded.

The list of tasks and actions grew as the meeting continued. Scouting expeditions for alternative bases needed manning, ships and supplies had to be inventoried, evacuation procedures updated and disseminated. The meeting broke and Cassian shared a few words with the General before drifting towards her.

“Walk with me?” he asked.

Jyn was glad to find that Cassian’s ribs seemed to have healed well over the past few days. He still clearly favored his right side but had no problem keeping up as they wove through hallways, away from central command. The passages carved out of ancient stone were narrow and filled with equipment and at times they squeezed together, shoulders bumping. She was surprised how comfortable she was with Cassian’s closeness.

They settled on a stone wall running the perimeter of a courtyard overlooking the main hanger. The hills of Yavin 4 stretched out beyond the edge of the stone tarmac, lazily rolling into shades of green and brown. Jyn rested her forearms on the waist-high stones and Cassian stood next to her, arms folded, hip against the wall. She studied him, his position and proximity reminding her of the moment they shared in the lift on Scarif. She’d purposefully been avoiding reliving that moment. Jyn worried that if she looked at it too often, recalled it too many times that the intensity the moment was steeped in would fade, turning it dull and cloudy. Like the edge of a scarf rolled between nervous fingers too many times, she knew it would dissolve into nothing. So, for now, she kept it hidden and away, trying to ignore its constant presence.

Chewing on her lip, she cleared her thoughts. “Did you know? About my _promotion_?” she asked, emphasizing the last word. She tried to sound casual but her tone edged towards accusatory. 

“Only for a few minutes before the meeting started,” Cassian responded. “The decision was already made.” 

Jyn huffed in response.

“If they had asked my opinion,” he continued, “I would have agreed. You know I think you’re a great asset, Jyn. We need more people like you.” 

_And you? What do you need?_ Jyn thought.

Cassian shifted his feet, furrowing his brow. “You’re in the Alliance now Jyn and like it or not this is how they… we… operate. You know there will be things I’m not going to be able to tell you,” he said. “Not because I don’t or won’t want to.”

A breeze picked up, blowing a few loose strands of Jyn’s hair across her face. 

“I know. Always the soldier.” She said with a half-smile, trying to force him to return it.

His eyes met hers, clear and stern. “Jyn,” he said, laying a hand gently on her shoulder. A knot formed in her chest. “I need you to be able to trust me.”

Jyn closed her eyes. That big word. _Trust._

“I made sure you’re under my reporting line,” he continued. “There aren’t many of us left so it wasn’t exactly a hard sell, but it’s the least I could do.”

“I don’t need your protection” she spat back at him, too quickly. “I can take care of myself.”

She felt him draw slightly back at her words and she was immediately regretful of and embarrassed by her response. She was so quick to protect her ego, so quick to throw up those walls.

“Believe me I know you can. That’s not why, Jyn.” Cassian said, softly. “I know how capable you are.”

“I’m sorry,” she said, crossing her arms. And then again, more slowly “I’m sorry.” She sighed. “It’s just... I’m going to need some time to get used to following orders again. It’s been a while.”

Cassian nodded. “I know.”

They stood, listening to the hum of engines and the murmur of conversation drift up from the tarmac below. Jyn knew this place, these people, were different then Saw’s militia – they had meaning, a purpose, beyond just blind retaliation driven by hate of the Empire and everything it stood for. She knew she made the right decision to stay. She wanted to be part of _something_ , do anything to help right the wrongs the Empire caused. A smaller part of her continued to remind her that staying meant relying on people besides herself. Were these people truly different from Saw’s? She had sworn the day Saw left her, all those years ago, that she would not be hurt like that again, would not put herself in a position where anyone held that much power to hurt her. Years of that mantra had turned her into this – a guilt-ridden woman, too untrusting to let even someone like Cassian in. _Take it slow_ , she told herself, _you can always leave_. Even as she thought it she knew it was a lie to keep that small part of herself happy. Her path had led here, to him, and she was almost certain she couldn’t walk away from him now.

“Jyn,” Cassian said, finally, “will you come with me? To find a buyer for the Jumper?”

“Is that an order?” she asked, playfully.

Cassian leaned forward, close enough so she could smell the worn leather of his jacket, the faint hint of soap from his shower earlier. “Not unless you want it to be,” he said, a smile pulling at the edge of his lips. She felt her cheeks flush and turned to look over the airstrip, anywhere but back into those dark brown eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently coming up with chapter titles is not my thing.


	4. Cassian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cassian and Jyn head off to sell the ship. Cassian remembers a good friend.

_Stars,_ he thought, _she is something._

He was supposed to be reviewing the pre-flight checklist in anticipation of leaving within the hour, but Cassian couldn’t keep his eyes off Jyn as she hurried around the hanger bay, directing items being emptied from the ship’s cargo hold and unloading crates from various pallets. She still favored her left leg but her knee was clearly almost back to normal. Cassian was enjoying learning her tells – the way she shifted her weight between her heels and balls of her feet when she was impatient, how she tugged on her lower lip with her teeth when she was anxious. Noticing and cataloging subtle and often unconscious movements was second nature to him at this point, the unfortunate side effect of a life of service to the intelligence division. He didn’t think he could turn it off if he wanted to.

Jyn and her quirks were still new to him, however, and she was certainly keeping him on his toes. 

She shoved another ammunition box onto a rack, breathing heavily. She’d seemed small and unassuming the first time he saw her, sitting in central command, being interrogated by General Draven and Mon Mothma. The defiant and guarded answers she gave them when pressed, the surprise and pain that flashed across her face when they mentioned her father, Galen Erso. That meeting felt like a lifetime ago. Cassian knew now that Jyn was a force to be reckoned with – she was risky, impatient, and passionate. Her words had lit a fire somewhere deep inside his tired, worn heart and helping to redeem her father’s name and steal the Death Star plans from Scarif was the easiest decision he ever made.

He watched her, recalling the soft crease of her brow as she slept on the foot of his cot, the feel of her fingers on the back of his neck…

“Hey!”

Cassian’s eyes swam into focus. “Hey!” Jyn shouted across the hanger again. “Are you going to just stand there staring or come help me?” She said with mock-seriousness, a hand to her hip.

He waved. “I can’t!” he said, pointing to his side, “Medical’s orders!” He threw her a sheepish sorry-not-sorry grin as she rolled her eyes and continued to stack. 

His ribs _were_ feeling better – he was still amazed at what med officers could do now – but most twisting and lifting movements had a painful edge to them and he was more than a little worried about going back into the field so soon. Two days in the medical bay was all he could tolerate, deciding that the pain would keep him in check when he pushed himself too far. _Always the soldier,_ Jyn had said. It was true, he thought, turning back to the flight deck. Those barbed pricks of her words sticking to him again. The Rebel Alliance was the only life he had, the only family he’d been raised by. He owed them everything, and he couldn’t turn off that voice in the back of his head ( _most of the time it was Draven’s voice, really_ ) telling him to push on, keep going, there was always more work to be done.

\- - - - - 

They reviewed the mission with command once more before departure – sell the ship, catch a ride with the Alliance sector runner to the next system, and buy as many clean ships as possible from one of their reliable, if not pricy, suppliers. Cassian knew of at least three contacts on the middle-rim system named Kaz they would start with. Given the amount of black market goods that came and went from Kaz’s trading posts, Cassian hoped it wouldn’t be hard to find someone willing to take an Imperial ship off their hands.

The journey through hyperspace was plotted to take a little over 5 hours. Jyn made a final check of the securing belts and latches in the cargo area before settling in the co-pilot seat next to him. 

“We’re all set, I made initial contact with our runner so they know our schedule.” Cassian said, sliding the headphones off and tossing them on the dashboard. “Hopefully, this will be easy.”

He ran his fingers through his hair, smoothing it, watching as Jyn tucked her good leg under her to get comfortable. Silence grew between them as he fiddled with the nav computer’s controls absently. It had been different on missions with K2, Cassian recalled with a pang of guilt. K2 would oscillate between silence – usually only when he was switched off – and an unstoppable barrage of observations, statistics, and information. Cassian would usually tune him out after a few minutes but secretly enjoyed the droid’s ability to fill the space with something to pass the hours. _I never told him that,_ Cassian thought as a knot in his chest tightened. And now he would never be able to.

As if reading his thoughts, Jyn spoke.

“It must be hard to be back at the helm without K2,” she said. Cassian kept staring into space. He couldn’t look at her, quickly trying to tamp down the feeling of loss bubbling up inside him. The weight of K2’s absence took him by surprise, as if his death had only just now become real. Stars, planets, systems sped by them in the blue-white blur of hyperspace.

“Tell me about how you met him. Was he always that charming?” Jyn asked, breaking the silence.

Cassian couldn’t help himself and chuckled. “Oh no, he was much worse.” Jyn smiled at that and continued to as he told her tales of their adventures destroying container ships, selling out informants, impersonating Imperial troops, and a few spectacular drop point failures. Stories fell from his lips, one after another, coaxed out by Jyn’s exclamations of surprise and gasps of disbelief. He only embellished a few details here and there, wanting to remember K2 as the best that he was.

As he talked, Cassian watched the way Jyn’s eyes crinkled as she smiled, almost perfectly. As her head tilted back against the seats headrest, tucking back her loose bangs, he wondered with a fleeting thought what the spot below her ear would feel like under his lips. He went on and on until all the good stories were exhausted and a small part of the weight inside his chest had lifted. Cassian had kept many of the finer details of their missions to himself. Sure, relevant and critical information was reported and logged, but as he retold the stories to someone who wasn’t an officer looking for a report, he lingered on details he’d forgotten until now – a quirky comment from K2, a fantastically awful drink he had to suffer through, the true closeness of a few calls.

“Thank you,” he said, a lingering smile still at the edge of his lips. “It’s been a long time since I’ve said a lot of this out loud.” He realized that sounded a little crazy but Jyn just nodded like she understood. 

His gaze drifted out across the control board, thinking about how different it would be without K2. He had lost friends, comrades before, but this was something different. After a while, Jyn rested her hand gently on his shoulder. “I know he meant a lot to you, Cassian. I’m sorry he’s gone.” He could tell from the sincerity in her voice that she truly meant it, for which he was incredibly grateful.

“Me too,” he said. _Me too._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me on the tumblrs if you're up for rogue one reposts and stupid internet memes that make me laugh @petey17


	5. Jyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The One Where They Sell a Ship.

In another time, BrieKaz would have been a lovely city. The winding narrow streets were lined with tall buildings with stone facades, punctuated by small plazas. The crumbling remains of fountains and bases of now missing statues were strewn across the cityscape. Stone basins that once held water for thirsty mounts were dry, holding instead electronic scraps and spices and other wares for sale. Glitchy holos at street corners advertised nearby shops and markets. The Empire’s relentless expansion left fewer middle-rim systems untouched by their presence and Kaz was a growing destination for gangs, groups, and professions that wanted to remain under the Empire’s radar for as long as they could. This provided an efficient setting for those looking to trade or sell less-than-legal goods, but more competition meant feuds and disagreements often spilled into the streets with violence and conflict. _It will only be a matter of time,_ Jyn thought, _until the Empire’s long arm reaches here too._

Jyn and Cassian spent most of the day crisscrossing the city, tracking leads and trails to the next contact that could point them towards the dealers. They stopped only once when Jyn caught a wiff of some Caldorian sweet bread and practically dragged Cassain over to the stall. After devouring a piece, she insisted on buying some for the group of small children that peered out at them from an open doorway, their eyes bright and thank-you’s sincere when Jyn handed them a loaf. After several hours, and one close run-in with a group of feisty Jawas, they were down to their last name. The first dealer had apparently turned up dead several months ago. The second went missing recently and after the contact’s name drew a few too many suspicious eyebrows, Cassian quickly dropped the questioning and moved on.

Dusk settled around them as they approached the heavily gated entrance to the storefront of the third and final dealer. Having been across the city and back several times, Jyn was not impressed with the quality or location of their destination.

“Cassian,” Jyn said quietly as they settled in an alcove across from the entrance. “Have you actually met this contact before? What are we walking into?”

Cassian rummaged through his pack, pulling out the water flask. “I haven’t, no,” he said, handing it to her absently. “We’ve done some deals with him before but not me personally.”

Finishing the last of the water, Jyn tugged on her bottom lip with her teeth as she tucked the flask back inside Cassian’s pack.

“Great. Let’s get this over with.”

They needed at least 30k in credits from this deal to pick up ships and supplies. It was a lot of money, Jyn thought as they walked into the open air courtyard, closing the thick metal door behind them. _We can’t come off as desperate,_ she thought. She had been on the bad end of too many deals with Saw – both ones they were making and ones they were trying to make – to know that understanding the balance of power in a negotiation was the difference between a successful deal, and a dead one.

“Hello?” Cassian called out.

A few lights turned on in an adjacent room and a man emerged. “Greetings!” he called out. “Welcome and good evening to you both.”

Jyn bristled at his voice. _Slimy and confident. Great._

“Welcome to my shop,” he said, bowing. “I’m Timon, but I know you already know that. What can I do for you both?” He was about equal to Cassian in height but carried a slightly larger build. A small vest covered an ornately embroidered shirt – gold, blue, and silver thread carried a geometric design up his arms and around the collar. A blaster in its holder was attached to his thigh, making neat creases across well-tailored black slacks. His most striking feature, however, was the crisp, white eyepatch that covered his left eye and the hint of a scar that peeked out above and below it. 

“We’re looking for someone who can appreciate some merchandise.” Cassian said, measured. “I hear you’re someone who can help us out.”

“Oh I’m certainly one for appreciating merchandise,” Timon responded, giving an intentionally unsubtle sweep of Jyn from head to toe. Jyn’s eyes narrowed and she leaned forward, a salty response forming on her lips. Cassian cocked his head sharply to focus her. Jyn settled on her heels, eyes still narrow, her pulse up. 

“We’re looking to sell a ship.” Cassian continued. 

“Oh ho!” Timon smiled, turning to Cassian. “That is something. Always happy to take a ship off of someone’s hands.”

 _Dead or alive,_ Jyn thought, as she scanned the dark corners of the courtyard. 

“Before we chat, however, please make yourself more… comfortable.” Timon said and waved his hand a small table next to them. “One can never be too careful these days. Packs and blasters, please.”

Cassian removed the bag from his shoulder and placed it on the table. He slipped his gun from the holster at his hip and set it down next to the pack.

“You too, miss!” Timon said.

Jyn shrugged her shoulders and held up her hands in front of her, flipping them over several times. She could feel Cassian’s gaze boring into her, accusatorially, as if to say _don’t lie to him._ Jyn however wasn’t lying – she had quietly stashed her blaster in Cassian’s pack before they entered when she returned the water.

“Really now.” Timon tutted, nodding. Behind her, a man stepped from the shadows, and patted down the sides of her jacket and hips. She faked surprise at his appearance and touch, trying to sell it just the right amount.

“Jumpy, unarmed, and only this dashing man to protect you! Whatever shall we do with you my dear!” Timon grinned, his lip curling.

Jyn blinked as emptily as possible, trying to make herself small without actually moving, feeling Cassian watching her from the corner of his eyes.

Turning back to the task at hand, Cassian removed a datapad from his pocket and flipped it on. With a few clicks he projected a small blue holo of the imperial ship they had arrived on. Timon stepped towards them and held up his own datapad. With a flick, Cassian transferred the holo to Timon’s pad for inspection.

“A TS92! Now this _is_ interesting merchandise!” he said, turning the words over thoughtfully.

“It flies and makes good time,” Cassian said. “As parts or whole, it’s a good ship. We have other cargo to move and need to get rid of this – asking is 40k.”

“So quick to part?” asked Timon, still eyeing the holo. He didn’t acknowledge the price offer but Jyn noticed his lips purse slightly as Cassian spoke. 

“The codes are still good – you can run them yourself.” Cassian flicked his fingers again and transferred more data to Timon’s pad. She could sense the edge in Cassian’s voice as he tried to sound relaxed.

Timon stood straighter and studied them with his one eye. “A moment.” He said, and stepped away to confer in hushed tones with the man who had patted Jyn down.

 _“I don’t like this,”_ Jyn whispered to Cassian when Timon was out of earshot. _“I don’t like him.”_

 _“Well it’s not like we have much of a choice right now,”_ Cassian shot back. _“Sorry he’s not your type.”_

Jyn suppressed a glare as Timon turned back to them.

“It seems you are reliable,” Timon said. “Those codes do check out. I’m happy to relieve you of the ship, however 20k is the best I can do in these tough economic times. It’s a buyer’s market, I’m afraid.”

Cassian let out a single, forced laugh. “You can do better than that,” he said, firmly.

“Oh, I can,” Timon said, his eye narrowing. “I can just kill you both right now and take your ship’s locater beacon. This is my city you are in, after all. And according to my people you’ve been all over it, all day.”

Jyn’s ears began to buzz. This was turning from bad to worse.

“You thought I wouldn’t notice your travels? Busy little bees.” Timon tutted again, a lecherous grin spreading across his face.

Cassian’s voice was dry but he kept his tone even. “You could kill us, but it wouldn’t do you a lot of good. We don’t bring the locater with us, our droid has it.”

“Ha!” Timon barked, his eyes black and cold. “Heard that one before. Fine – even if I believed you, it would still take me all of three taps and I can have this ship, holos of your identities, all over the net. How long would you last? Could you get off planet?” He waved his datapad around as he spoke, stepping closer to them. “I run the deals here. You came to me with an obviously stolen Imperial ship. It’s 20k or the curb. Your choice.”

He was an arm’s length in front of them, squaring off to Cassian, facing him down. Jyn knew this was going to end in only a few ways, most of them badly for them and the Alliance. Seconds ticked by as the men stared each other down. _This is taking too long,_ Jyn thought, rocking from her heels to her toes. When Timon didn’t look at her to acknowledge her weight shift, she struck.

Kicking her leg out, Jyn hooked the back of his knee and wrenched it towards her. Timon careened forward as she extended her open palm into his cheekbone, knocking his head back and toppling him over backwards. Half leaping, half falling Jyn slammed her good knee into his sternum, laying him flat on his back as she knelt atop him. His blaster was in her hands, pressed to his temple as his face lay smashed into his datapad underneath him. Jyn moved so fast Cassian’s didn’t have time to react – he stood over her with his mouth slightly open in surprise.

“Do this for us now,” Jyn growled, “or it will be your brains all over the net.”

Timon snorted a laugh and spit a mouthful of blood onto the dirt floor. “I like you,” he said, “come work for me.” Jyn increased the pressure of the blaster muzzle against his temple.

“The credits,” she hissed. “I won’t ask again.”

Timon called to the other man in the room. “Give them 35k. For a good show.”

The man threw a credit chip to Cassian who immediately pocked it, grabbing his pack and blaster. He drew the ship’s locater beacon from his interior jacket pocket and tossed it in the dirt next to Timon. Jyn stood, backing towards the door after him.

“I’m keeping the blaster,” she said, blowing a kiss, and shut the door behind her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway done! Thanks to those still reading this : )


	6. Cassian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian leave Kaz but not in the manor they originally planned.

“Wait Jyn… I can’t…” Cassian mumbled through gritted teeth, gripping his side.

Jyn put her arm around him and with a glance over their shoulders, guided him into a side street. They were half-running, half-darting across the city in the general direction of their pickup hanger. Adrenaline kept him moving until now – the stitch in his side had settled in his chest and pressed uncomfortably against his still tender ribs. Cassian leaned against a building, breathing heavily, and pulled Jyn into the shadows with him. They stood, chest to chest, eyes fixed on the space around them as they remained still and counted. To his relief there were no sounds of footsteps or voices trailing them. The night was quiet, there were no noises except the flutter of canopies from shop fronts on the main street.

His breath under control, he relaxed his grip around Jyn but she didn’t move.

“Are you all right?” she whispered, still looking over her shoulder, scanning the dim alley. The sun had long set but the streets of BrieKaz were surprisingly bright, illuminated by the light of twin moons overhead. 

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the stone facade. His ribs were tight and thumped lightly with pain and their pickup wasn’t scheduled for another 6 hours.

“Cassian?” Jyn said, quietly. He opened his eyes to find them close to hers and discovered that the tightness in his chest wasn’t from his injuries but from Jyn pressing into him. Thankful for the little cover night provided, his cheeks flushed as he met her eyes, bright in the moonlight. 

“I’m alright,” he said. _More than alright,_ he thought. Cassian had fought alongside many women over the years, each capable and competent in their own style, but watching Jyn fight was something else. It caught him by surprise twice now, once on Jedha and now here on Kaz - the ferocity that exploded from such an unassuming frame, the intensity of her movements, the accuracy of her blows. It was equal parts beautiful and deadly. 

“Nice work closing the deal back there,” he said. “Just give me a heads up on the plan next time.”

“What,” Jyn said with a hint of sarcasm, “I have things that I can’t tell you too.”

He knew she was right – he had asked her to trust him and he needed to be able to return that trust in kind. And truthfully he did trust her, very much.

“Besides, that’s my second job offer in as many weeks,” she continued. “Draven may have to give me another promotion to keep me around.”

“I’d do almost anything to keep you around,” Cassian said, immediately surprised and a little embarrassed at his boldness. His heart tightened reflexively in his chest – _was that too much?_ But Jyn’s eyes went wide and she pursed her lips, suppressing a smile, and Cassian felt as if he could float away. They stood staring at each other until Jyn stepped back, straightening her jacket as if she needed something to do with her hands.

Cassian also needed something to do with his hands and pulled his datapad from his pocket. Maybe they could get an early pickup. He tapped a few times, reading several new messages, and groaned.

“Trouble?” Jyn asked.

Cassian rubbed his brow. “The runner can’t make it. At all. Something about an increased Imperial presence at their current port.” He shoved the datapad back in his pocket. “Shit. We need to get off-planet, sooner rather than later. I don’t know how extensive Timon’s network is and I don’t want to stick around long enough to find out.”

“Come on,” she said. “I have an idea.”

\- - - - - - - - 

“Are you sure about this?” Cassian asked, casting a skeptical sideways glance as they followed a dim, winding hallway. The idea of being trapped on a derelict passenger freighter with no intelligence profile on the ship did not sit well with him. Not to mention there were almost no escape options if something did go wrong. It was a risky plan, the kind of plan he tried to avoid unless absolutely necessary. It seemed Jyn, however, did not harbor the same apprehension about the ship.

They had used almost all their extra credits to secure passage on the next ship out of BrieKaz. The planet, located in a dense cluster of habitable systems, was a regular stop for a fleet of passenger freighters that traveled between the largest planets and ports with relative frequency. They weren’t making sub-light speed, but it did get them off the planet and heading towards their destination and the ship dealer.

“I used to travel this way a lot,” Jyn said, stopping at a doorway and punching in a code from a scrap of paper. The door locks clicked open and they stepped inside the cabin. “It’s not glamorous, but it gets the job done. Not everyone has the luxury of the Alliance fleet at their disposal.”

“It’s just…” Cassian trailed off as the door closed behind them. While the security of the ship and their lack of exit strategies bothered him, truthfully, Cassian just hated being on a ship he wasn’t at the helm of. He’d been lucky enough to have Alliance ships of his own for years and had become very accustom to it – the freedom, the control. “It’s fine,” he settled on. “It’s hard to let someone else drive” he said, recognizing it was a more revealing statement then he intended it to be. If Jyn noticed she said nothing as she closed the door behind them. 

The cabin they had been assigned was exceptionally small. The walls were a sad grey durasteel, exposed beams and rivets striping the room. A metal-framed bed was illuminated by a dim, yellowish overhead light. An off-kilter dresser, missing a drawer, sat next to the bed with a tiny washroom completing the space. _It’s not much,_ Cassian thought, _but we’re together, and we’re safe._

Jyn exhaled heavily. Cassian realized she must be exhausted. He was exhausted. He wasn’t sure how long it had been since they last slept, it was hard to keep track of time between planets. Putting the pack down, he gestured towards the bed.

“I’ll take the floor,” he said. “The bed is yours.”

“No,” she said, a little too fast. “I mean, no, you’re not sleeping on the floor. There’s plenty of room.” Jyn chewed absently on her lower lip, unaware that Cassian’s knees buckled slightly at the sight. He wanted nothing more than to fall asleep next to her, feeling the warmth of her body, the smell of her hair…

“Alright,” he said, letting the statement linger between them to make sure that it really was alright. 

“I just want to be held for a while,” Jyn said, barely a whisper. It was perhaps the most vulnerable thing she’d said and the significance of that not lost on him. With a step Cassian closed the gap between them and folded her into his arms. She grasped at his shoulder blades, sinking into his chest. 

“I can do that,” he murmured into her ear.

\- - - - - 

They climbed into small bed, exhausted from the day. Curled on his good side, Cassian tried to give her as much of the bed as possible. The dip of the mattress had other plans, however, and kept sliding them gradually together, coaxing his knees to tuck in just behind hers. After a few moments she backed ever-so-slightly into him, her shoulders pressing into his chest, head nestled just under his chin. Hesitantly, he draped his top arm over her. Jyn took his hand between hers and pulled it towards her face. His heart hummed, feeling her breath on his fingertips. Cassian lay quietly, soaking up her body heat and memorizing how of every part of her that touched him felt. He waited until her breath was slow and shallow before placing a soft kiss on the top of her head.

Jyn stirred against him.

“You’re a good man, Cassian,” she said, faintly.

“I hope so,” he said, more to himself then to her. He let himself finally fall into a deep sleep.


	7. Jyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jyn and Cassian talk. About _feelings_.

Jyn dreamt of Eadu, of cold rain on her face that blurred her vision, of climbing an impossibly long ladder where the top remained the same unreachable distance away. She tried to yell out but couldn’t produce any sound. A hand reached for her, pulling her over the lip of the platform – it was Saw. _What is it that you want?_ he asked, like he had on Jedha. She looked down at her hands, now gripping a truncheon. She looked back at Saw to find that it was Cassian. _What is it that you want?_ he asked. The weapon in her hands had transformed into the toy Stormtrooper she played with as a child. Looking up again, Cassian was replaced by father. As he opened his mouth to speak, the ground beneath her gave way and she fell backwards, tumbling over and over into the dark crevasse.

She opened her eyes with a jolt, her mind forcing her from the dream. Cassian sat on the floor leaning against the bed, his back to her, studying his datapad intently. The freighter's engine hummed quietly in the background. 

Still laying on her side, Jyn stretched out and ran her fingers through his brown disheveled hair. “You’re up,” she said, softly. She wasn’t sure where the courage to follow this impulse came from. Falling asleep next to him last night emboldened her actions, the intimacy of sharing a bed stripped her of at least some of her anxieties. Is this what she wanted? _It certainly felt good._

Cassian pressed into her hand, enjoying the caress. Tossing the datapad on the dresser he pulled himself up and settled on the edge of the bed next to her. 

“So are you.” He returned, his eyes warm. He leaned over and brushed her hair off of her forehead. Jyn’s skin tingled under his touch, both savoring it and craving more. “You can keep sleeping. The ship doesn’t dock for another 20 hours.”

More sleep was the last thing on Jyn’s mind. 

“You sound almost disappointed, Captain.” she said, encouraged by his closeness. “It’s as if you’ve never woken up with a beautiful woman in your bed before.”

She marveled at the shade of red his face turned at her words.

“Not like this,” he murmured, resting his hand on her thigh, the sheet the only barrier between his palm and her skin.

Jyn half-hoped he would kiss her right then, that Cassian would make that first move her nerves still kept her from making. He instead lifted his hand from her thigh and ran it absently through his hair.

“I was thinking, before you woke up,” Cassian said, “about something you said yesterday. About not having the _luxury_ of the Alliance fleet at your disposal.”

Hiding her slight disappointment at the change of direction, Jyn propped herself up on one elbow, resting her head on her hand.

“I’ve never considered belonging to the Alliance as privileged. I didn’t ask for this, almost none of us did, but that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful for it. I owe them everything. Being a part of them shaped how I see all of this,” he said, gesturing absently to the room. 

“The Alliance has always been about justice and truth and righting the wrongs of the Empire, but it should also be about a balance of choices. Doing what’s _right_ whenever possible. I just… sometimes that gets lost. It’s not easy to see what the right choice is when it’s only you, alone, surviving. I bet you know what that’s like.”

Jyn’s heart twisted in her chest, remembering those first few months after Saw left her. The desperation, the reckless decisions she made in order to get as far away from everything she knew. Cassian wouldn’t meet her eyes, staring intently at an invisible spot on the bed next to her.

“I do,” she said, quietly.

“It seems like you’re somehow, despite everything, able to stay grounded. Watching you act selflessly – saving that girl on Jedha, buying those kids bread earlier – it makes me think I’m losing my way. I could have done those things, but the choice never even crossed my mind.” Elbows on thighs, Cassian ran his hands into the hair on either side of his head, resting his forehead on his palms. 

“Your comment about being a good man… I’m trying, but sometimes I worry,” he whispered.

He let out a short, single laugh. “If Draven heard me talking like this I’d be treated to psych evals for the rest of the week.” Jyn saw through his poorly veiled attempt to cover his confessions with humor. _Always the soldier,_ she thought, _but at such a cost._

“Cassian,” Jyn said, still quietly, “I wasn’t lying when I said you were a good man. You are. You trusted me when you didn’t have to, believed in me when you didn’t need to. Maybe all you need to be is reminded that there are worlds out there, beyond the rebellion, that you can still help in whatever way you can.”

He was still staring at the spot next to her but he was listening. She kept going.

“Your purpose isn’t always going to be the rebellion. Just because you’ve only ever been a solider doesn’t mean that’s all you’re ever going to be. Force willing, this will all be over someday and you’ll have to live with yourself, and your actions, afterwards.”

He sighed deeply, digesting her words. She knew they hurt but they were true, and if she didn’t tell him there probably wasn’t anyone who would. The Alliance would continue to push on, righteous but ultimately self-serving – they cared about their own, sure, but in the end people were only pieces on a board in the greater game of this terrible war. 

“I know how easy it is to be tossed away when you’re not needed anymore,” she said. 

He looked at her with those sad brown eyes and rested his hand on her thigh again. 

“Living with your actions is one thing,” Cassian said, “living with the actions of someone else is another. That includes understanding that just because someone you trusted hurt you, doesn’t mean that everyone you trust will eventually hurt you.”

His words hung in the air between them. _Dammit,_ she thought, _he’s good._

“I do trust you Cassian,” Jyn said, slowly, “it’s just… I told myself, promised myself, that I wouldn’t get hurt again. I do want to be a part of this, to fight the Empire…” she trailed off, feeling the guilt creeping in, her doubts whispering in her ear. _How can I make him understand?_

“People here will care about you if you let them, Jyn. If you let me.” He said, quietly.

Her stomach twisted over itself at his words. She did want him to care about her. She wanted him to very much. She couldn’t keep her that tight feeling in her chest down and away anymore. Jyn had been holding it in this whole time – so protective of that last part of herself, keeping it guarded and secret, because if it was hidden it could not be harmed. 

Sitting up before she lost the courage, she cupped his face with a hand and placed a small, tentative kiss on his lips. She traced her nose along his cheekbone and placed her lips to his cheek. 

“I’d like that,” she whispered into his skin.

A genuine smile blossomed across Cassian’s face as he turned and met her lips with his. They were chapped and hot, firm at first but gave way to soft, returning her passionate kisses. She melted into him, his teeth pulling lightly on her lower lip, tongues glancing off each other.

As she gave herself to Cassian, trusting him, a warmth spread over her, radiated out from her core and enveloped them both. She had never kissed a man like this, been kissed like this in return, with so much want and need and wild abandon - it was overwhelming and exhilarating.

Cassian tangled his fingers in her loose hair, pulling her head back as he kissed down her chin and across her jawline to her earlobe. He tugged on it lightly with his teeth and a shiver ran down her back. He traced her neck with his lips and tongue, drawing a small gasp from her as she smiled at the sensation.

Jyn pressed her mouth into his again, harder, thrilling in his return of force, matching her ferocity. He groaned when she nibbled on her lower lip, mimicking his movements, exploring every part of his mouth, unraveling a little more at every noise and sound her motions drew from him. 

He smelled like leather and carbon and dirt. He tasted like rain and stars and home.

They laid together on the small bed for hours, exploring each other over the folds of their clothing, tracing the hints of skin that emerged where pants met shirts, collars met shoulders, cuffs met wrists. Creeping up to but not crossing boundaries, aware of the _other_ parts, the spaces between them being consciously ignored. Tracing and memorizing contours and grooves, softness of flesh and hardness of bone, taste of lips, tongues, necks. Pressed into Cassian’s body, wrapped in his embrace, Jyn could feel him draw the years of loneliness out of her and dissolve them into nothingness.

They eventually drifted into sleep together, faces against one another’s, their arms and legs entwined as if their bodies no longer knew how to be separate.


	8. Cassian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Does anyone actually eat in the Star Wars universe? Jyn and Cassian should probably eat something.

Cassian awoke first to the feeling, and then to the sound, of his stomach growling. They slept long enough for the pillow to leave a web of indents across Jyn’s temple and cheekbone, crisscrossing her pale skin. Cassian traced the lines with his lips as she stirred and scrunched her face, protesting the nap’s end.

He wanted to kiss her again but he knew once he did, he wouldn’t be able to stop. Now that he knew the texture of her hair, the softness of her lower back, the shiver that ran her length when his lips found the divot between her shoulder and neck – he knew he could never get enough. They needed to eat, and there was still time left for more of… well, of whatever this was becoming.

“Let’s get some food while we can,” he said. “I can’t remember the last time we ate a full meal.”

Jyn reluctantly agreed. Dressed, they found their way to the ship’s bar. It wasn’t much of anything – a small counter lined with stools, a few worn tables, a dozen or so mismatched chairs. Large hexagonal windows framed the room, one of the few places where passengers could watch the emptiness outside drift by. Music played in the background, barely audible over the hum of the ship’s engines. A few other passengers were scattered around the room, chatting quietly or nursing drinks alone – Cassian realized he was instinctively sizing up the place, already looking for signs of trouble. 

Jyn touched his arm. “Let’s sit at the bar,” she said, pulling him back to the moment. “Its fine, Cassian.”

The droid bar attendant took their orders and returned shortly with plates of hot food and glasses of some kind of spirit that burned his throat on the way down. They ate in silence, quickly and ungracefully, unaware of the extent of their hunger until food was within reach. Cassian watched her mop up the remains of her meal with a piece of bread, carefully sweeping the plate to collect every drop.

Another round of drinks appeared before them. Jyn traced the rim of her glass with her fingers, lost in thought. The nervous energy Cassian felt before when he was alone with Jyn had disappeared. He was happy to just sit with her, content to be close to someone he was still surprised to feel so strongly about, hoping that his words and actions earlier helped to convince her of that. 

“So,” Jyn said, “how do I compare to K2? Was he a better kisser?”

Cassian almost spit out his drink with surprise and laughter. Jyn laughed along as well, obviously pleased with herself.

Cassian buried his face in his hand. “I have no data for comparison,” he said, grinning and embarrassed.

“Oh, so kissing team members isn’t your usual tactical approach?” she continued, still smiling.

“No, Jyn, it has never been,” he said, playful but sincere. He could tell behind the teasing she was probing, building up that wall again. There was so much about her that he knew, and yet so much more he didn’t. He wanted to know everything – what memories she had of her mother, what kind of drinks she preferred, what she would do if the Empire was disbanded today. He opened his mouth to ask but second guessed himself. Push too hard and she would withdraw. _Gentle,_ he thought.

Laying his hand on hers, Cassian squeezed it slightly, trying to reassure her that she meant something, she would always mean something… _more_. That he was drawn to her in a way that he had never been drawn to anyone before. That he wanted nothing more than to see her succeed. To see her happy. If there was anyone in this galaxy that deserved happiness, Cassian thought, it was Jyn.

Outside the stars passed slowly by.

\- - - - - 

They were still sitting at the bar, finishing their second drink, when Jyn chuckled.

“What is it?” he asked.

“I know this song,” she said, pointing upwards in the general direction of the music. “I haven’t heard it in years. I’d forgotten about it.” She trailed off, looking distant.

“What does it remind you of?” Cassian asked, giving her an opening to continue. 

“Dancing! If you can believe it.” Jyn said with a short laugh, shaking her head.

“You? Dancing?” Cassian said in disbelief. 

“Look,” she said, wrinkling her brow at him. “I lived on Coruscant for a few months. It was after Saw left… well it was a few years after that and I ended up there mostly by accident. I waited tables, if you can believe it, at a bar that makes this place look upscale.” She paused, tracing the rim of her glass again. 

“And you danced there?” Cassian offered, confused. 

“No!” She rolled her eyes. “The line cooks were these sisters and they would go out after shift sometimes and wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I would go with them and drink shit spirits and get in fights with sleazy men trying to dance with them and wander home when the suns started to come up.”

Cassian tried to hide his smile at the thought of a younger Jyn, chest to chest with a well-dressed man in a bar, daring him to take the first swing.

“I like to think that was what regular people did, you know? It was hard to make friends and feel… _included_ when you’ve been raised by a crew of radicalized militia. I think those few months were the closest to a normal life I’ve ever had. If you can call anything in this kriffing galaxy normal.” Jyn finished the last of her drink and flipped the glass upside down on the counter, sliding it away from her. Cassian watched her, thoughtfully.

“I like you, Jyn, just the way you are.” Cassian said, carefully, wanting her to understand the truth behind his words. Her ears reddened and she avoided his eyes. “I’m serious. You’ve had – we’ve both had – anything but normal lives. But we’re here now, together, because of them. I wouldn’t want you to be any different.”

She finally met his eyes and a small but genuine smile appeared under her pink cheeks. 

“Let’s go, Captain,” she said, pushing her chair back.

\- - - - - - - 

As they walked back, Cassian brushed the back of his hand against hers. Without hesitation, Jyn curled her fingers around and through his, pressing their palms together tightly.

“Someday, when this is all over, can I take you dancing?” he asked, opening the door to their room.

“You’re going to have to buy me a lot of drinks first,” she responded, smiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to anyone who has been dragged out dancing by *those* friends only to end up having a great time.


	9. Jyn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes return home.

Cassian was light and upbeat when they entered their room, his hand warm under hers. Jyn was a little loose from the drinks, still impressed with her courage to tell him about her time on Coruscant. Emerging from the washroom, she found Cassian sitting on the bed visibly in a very different mood. He was fixated on his datapad, his face dark.

“What’s wrong?” she asked. The words hung between them and the air grew heavier with each second that passed in silence. “Cassian what is it?”

He handed her the datapad. The screen displayed a short encrypted message:

> _Plans secure. Location compromised. Attack imminent.  
>  Immediate return mandatory. Prep secondary jump coordinates._

“It was sent to all personnel currently off-base,” Cassian said. Jyn watched his eyes dart back and forth, trying to stay calm. “An attack on Yavin 4. They must have tailed a ship, or found someone alive on Scarif and…” he slammed his fist into the bed.

“Maybe there’s still time,” Jyn said, cringing at how hollow and unconvincing her words sounded. How could they have been so foolish to think the Empire wouldn’t have tracked a ship, wouldn’t have tortured someone for the location of their base. Here they were, lightyears away, helpless and unable to do anything but stare at a datapad and wait. She _just_ found them and at the simple flip of a switch the Rebel Alliance would be annihilated at the hands of the weapon her father built. She was so close to redeeming him, to righting the wrong he had been forced to take part in creating. She was sure she could not live with herself if the Rebellion was destroyed.

Cassian took Jyn’s trembling hand in his. They sat together on the edge of the bed, drowning together in anxiety and guilt and worry. The final hours of their journey ticked by in silence. 

\- - - - - - 

They threw themselves off the ship at port and pushed through crowded streets to reach the ship dealer. The contact already sent two ships via droids to Yavin 4 in good faith – Jyn felt a little better, at least there were two more ships for their pilots – and saved a newer U-wing model for them. Credits paid and thanks exchanged, they took off, punching into hyperspace the second they cleared the planet’s atmosphere.

Four hours of travel back. It was still a long time. They received no further transmissions. 

\- - - - - -

Cassian busied himself with recoding and tuning the ship’s comms to Alliance frequencies. Jyn immersed herself in organizing all the loose supplies she could find and when that outlet was exhausted, took to pacing the hold until Cassian asked to sit in the co-pilots seat.

“We’ll be there in twenty minutes,” he said. 

The knot in her throat tightened further.

“The message instructed to have coordinates for second jump prepared before we drop out of hyperspace,” Cassian continued. “Command only does that if they suspect a position is compromised. It gives us the best chance of escape, a quick exit.”

Jyn nodded. “Cassian, if…” she started. She didn’t know how to phrase it, didn’t know how she could ask him to do this. She chewed on her bottom lip. “If you want to have coordinates ready, I understand. I don’t… If they’re truly under attack, the Alliance, I don’t think I could live with myself if we just abandoned them.”

To her surprise he leaned over and kissed her, forcefully. He lingered for a moment before breaking it, when he finally did Jyn rocked forward slightly into the space his lips once were. Cassian traced a finger over her forehead, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. 

“I will be here, with you, for as long as we have. Know that, Jyn.” Cassian said, his voice shaky. “We won’t let them go down without a fight.”

His hands on the flight controls, hers around her mother’s necklace, they took their final breath together as the blur of hyperspace disappeared before them.

\- - - - - -

The canteen was full of energy and shouting and celebration. Jyn was still a mess of excitement and relief she made her way down the steps behind Cassian.

They had arrived just in time to witness the end of the Empire’s super weapon. The planet killer, the Death Star, exploded before them as they emerged from hyperspace, heralding their return with the brightness and intensity of a thousand stars. It was over. The Alliance destroyed it.

As they made their way through the throngs of people, many already deep into a state of celebration, a group of officers called out to Cassian and waved them over. Greetings and introductions were followed by drinks, seats materialized for them as they squeezed around an already crowded table. Jyn was surprised that many of them already knew who she was – their heroics on Scarif were already well known, her reputation preceding her.

The people around them told stories and shouted congratulations and proposed toasts to the living and the dead of the greatest Rebel Alliance victory. Rumors that command was planning a ceremony in the coming days spread through the crowd – medals for the new heroes of the Rebellion. Jyn was sure she heard the faint yells of a wookie drift in and out of the background noise of the canteen.

One drink became two, two became three, and before long the Yavin 4 canteen was overflowing with comradery and hope and confidence. Pilots still in flight suits sat on shoulders, longer and more elaborate toasts were yelled to no one in particular, voices called out and cheered from all corners of the base. Jyn laughed as Bodhi sailed by, held up by three or four operators, his imperial jumpsuit replaced by a rebel uniform of green and brown. She caught his eye and swore he mouthed _help!_ as the jubilant revelers carrying him turned back into the crowd and disappeared.

Cassian looked so relaxed, Jyn noticed over the lip of her glass. The creases around his eyes were soft and his cheeks flushed from the warmth of the canteen and the strength of the spirits. Between drinks and stories and laughter he continued to very purposefully catch her eyes, holding them with his own until someone demanded his attention with another retelling of a story, another drink for Scarif. Jyn could feel his intention radiating off him. _Longing,_ she thought again. Except this time, there was no stab guilt that came with it, no voice in the back of her head whispering leave. She was exactly where she wanted to be.

Insisting to her rather inebriated neighbor that she get her own drink this round, Jyn excused herself and made her way to the bar. Waiting for the server, she watched the ebb and flow of the crowd around her. Through the open hanger bay door and beyond the flight towers, a few stars winked faintly at her in the distance. This was the most at peace – the most at _home_ – she felt in a long time. Maybe ever. She repeated to herself what her heart had known for a while now, allowing it to become her new truth – she had found people that needed her, and someone who wanted her.

As if on cue, hands materialized on her hips from behind. Cassian’s chest pressed against her back as he kissed the patch of skin below her ear.

“I thought you said I was buying,” he said.

“Don’t worry, I’m putting it on your credit,” Jyn said. “It’s much better than mine around here.” 

He laughed, and kissed her neck again. She’d had enough drinks to not care who saw, and he apparently he didn’t either.

She turned to face him, their bodies pressed together partially because of the crowd, mostly because they could no longer stop themselves. “Let’s get out of here,” she said, her lips close to his, daring him. Cassian grinned roguishly, his brown eyes bright. Taking her hand, he led them through the crowd and out the hanger door, the chorus of songs and celebrations echoing through the night behind them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mostly wanted to see Bodhi reluctantly crowdsurfing at a hoppin' rebel base canteen.


	10. Cassian

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our heroes enter... the Bone Zone.

_Force be with me,_ Cassian thought as the door to his room closed and latched behind him. It had been so long since he’d wanted someone like this, been able to have someone like this. He wanted to make it last, to make it count. It was going to be a huge challenge, he knew, already feeling a tightness in his pants. A current hummed through his body, his nerves on edge with excitement and anticipation. _Patience_ , he pleaded with his body for control, _we have time._

Jyn, however, had different ideas. She barreled into him, almost throwing him off balance against the wall, and pressed her soft, full lips into his. He grazed them with his tongue as she pulled on his lower lip. Their kisses were messy and heated, fueled by the desire that burned hotly between them. Cassian thrust his tongue into her mouth, pushing hers back, teeth knocking and hands grabbing fistfuls of shirt and hair. He could taste the spirits from earlier on her tongue, mixed with her own taste of sweetness. She gasped and pressed her hips into his as he wove his fingers into her hair, pulling firmly and exposing her neck. As his lips traced the curve of her throat, tongue flicking over her skin, Cassian delighted in the soft, involuntary moans Jyn released with each brush. Her hands were under the bottom edge of his shirt, grasping at his sides and lower back, pressing him into her with an edge of desperation.

The playful, gentle exploration of the passenger freighter was gone, replaced by a passion, a _need_ that grew stronger with every kiss, every grind of their hips. His mouth took hers again, their hands and fingers crawled over arms and shoulders and torsos. Jyn worked her hands under the collar of his jacket and slid it off his shoulders. Cassian arched forward to let it fall to the ground between him and the wall. 

“Shirt… off…” she gasped between his fervent kisses, her fingers clumsily gripping the top button of his shirt. Breaking apart he grinned. He was always good at following orders, but hearing this directive from her lips was almost his undoing. In a fluid movement, he grabbed her sides and pivoted around her, pinning her between him and the wall. Pressing his hips against hers again, feeling his hardness against her pelvis, he groaned. 

“Now, that’s no way,” Cassian said, pulling one of Jyn’s slender wrists behind her back, “to speak to your commanding officer,” he finished, bringing her other wrist back to meet it and pinning them together in his grasp. Her cheeks flushed and she arched against him, surprise and desire burning in her eyes. Locked together, his arms framing her body, they were both breathing heavily, his lips hovering over hers. 

A mischievous glint flickered in her eyes and without warning she extended her tongue and drew a sloppy wet lick across both his lips. “Shirt off, Captain,” she said, serious at the beginning of the sentence but by the end a smile cracked and they were both laughing. 

He was so taken, so _smitten_ by this woman, fierce and loyal and brave but still so impulsive and vulnerable. Cassian kissed her again passionately, wanting and willing to convey everything she made him feel to her. Releasing his grip on her wrists he unbuttoned the few buttons on his shirt and shrugged it off. Jyn drew her shirt up and over her shoulders and with skin exposed they pressed into each other, clambering to touch everything and everywhere at once, drinking up the contact of skin against skin. They backed together towards the small bed, shedding layers of clothing, and as the back of Cassian’s knees hit the bed frame they were down to their underclothes, breastband and smalls and briefs, breathing into each other.

Cassian sat on the bed, pulling Jyn down by the waist. His fingers dug into the flesh at her sides as she settled across him and straddled his lap on bent knees. She rolled her hips gently, apparently aware of his hardness trapped between them, and Cassian’s pulse jumped. Blood pounded in his ears. Jyn leaned back slightly, breaking the contact from his chest and shoulders and ran her fingers down his collar bone and across his chest. She paused and gently traced the light pink ridge that ran along the side of his rib cage, his newest scar. Cassian had always been uncomfortable with the scars he collected over the years. To him they served as reminders of too-close calls, of errors in judgement or bad decisions he made – he did not carry them like trophies of victories or brands of hard-fought battles. 

“It’s not… beautiful,” he said, taking her hand from his chest and pressing her fingertips to his lips. 

Jyn smiled. “I like you, Cassian, just the way you are,” she said, returning his words to him. He knew then and there that he was utterly lost to her; her words and touch the soothing balm for the fire that had burned under his skin for a lifetime.

She pressed her lips into his again and they devoured each other. His fingers explored the ridges of her spine, the small indents between her back ribs, the soft parts where her torso met her hips. Jyn’s lips were on his neck, his throat, tracing his collar bone to the edge of his shoulder. Her hands gripping, grabbing fistfuls of hair from the back of his head. His hardness was still pressed between them and every time she shuddered she rocked her body against him, drawing him closer to the edge.

Cassian traced a finger along the bottom of her breastband, pulling on it gently to expose the top half of her breasts. He traced the edges of her cleavage, emboldened by her soft moans. Finding a hard nipple pressing eagerly through the cloth he brushed his palm over it, delighting in the throaty gasp Jyn made at the contact. Pulling the band down and off, he placed a kiss on her sternum. With small movements, kissing and nibbling her soft flesh, he inched his across a breast way towards the hard peak. Jyn’s breath quickened and, impatient as always, arched her back and pressed her chest into him. He grinned as he took her nipple in his mouth, sucking and licking as she cried out. 

Composing herself, Jyn leaned forward with hands on his shoulders and pressed him backwards onto the bed. Still straddling him, he pulled her down, her breasts knocking into his chin as she ground her pelvis into his hips. He cried out at the surge his body responded to the pressure with and in retaliation, found Jyn’s other nipple with his mouth and sucked hard. He wanted her, all of her, now. There would be another time, he thought, to draw her out as long as possible, to take his time unmaking her, to learn all the places on her body that made her cry out under his touch. _This is only the beginning._

Grabbing her with both arms he flipped her gently onto her back, kneeling over her on hands and knees, one leg between hers. Jyn ground her pelvis down against his leg. Fighting for control, he traced the curve of her hips down along the valley where her legs met and worked a finger under the edge of her smalls. _Force,_ he thought, she was so wet, her smalls practically soaked with arousal. He slipped another finger under the cloth and pressing lightly, worked them up and in until he found the small bundle of nerves at her center. He drew his fingertips across it, gently, and almost came at the sight of Jyn shuddering, her lower back arching off the mattress as she emitted a heated, panting moan. He drew his fingers over her nodule again, slowly, back and forth, working her gently as her breath grew faster and faster. Her hands gripped at the sheets, knuckles white. 

“Cassian,” she moaned, her voice throaty “Cassian… Cassian I’m too close…. please…”

He paused his movements. “What is it that you want, Jyn?” He asked, locking his eyes with hers.

“You. I want you,” she said, baring herself to him. She lay there, under him, her cheeks a dark pink, chest heaving with anticipation, her lips full from the force and friction of his own. Cassian’s heart swelled at hearing the most beautiful words come from the most beautiful woman.

Rocking back he pulled off her smalls and then his own briefs. He trailed a line of kisses from her knee, up her leg, and across her dark curls at the apex of her thighs. Kneeling over her again, he watched Jyn chew her bottom lip and eye him, full and aching before her. She reached up with a tentative hand, pausing and hovering just before making contact. Cassian knew it was nerves, not fear, that held her back. Gently, he took her hand in his and guided it to him, curling her fingers under and around his shaft. A deep, guttural growl formed in his throat as her cool fingers explored up and down, their delicate and light movements threatening to undo him with every gentle sweep of her wrist. He let her explore as long as he could, savoring the tentative movements that grew more bold, encouraged by his moans.

At the edge of control, Cassian shifted his other knee inside hers and knelt down on elbows framing her ribs. He kissed her again and pressed his forehead into hers, their bodies hovering, strings drawn to their breaking point with tension and anticipation. He held her eyes with his. “Yes?” he asked, trying to contain the tremble in his voice. Jyn nodded and as she kissed him with both eyes open he moved his hips and filled her. The sensation of her wet heat enveloping him, drawing him in and up to his hilt until he could go no further was deafening. Cassian had to pause at the top, breathing heavily into her cheek for a few seconds, knowing that if he moved at all he would come right then and there. Jyn gasped under him, pressing her chest up and into him, her muscles tight and contracting around him. He pulled back slowly and thrust in again, controlling his descent, savoring the crease in her brow, the pain in his scalp where she pulled at his hair. Cassian found as slow pace as he could manage and at the top of each arc, Jyn rose to meet him, pushing her hips into his. Her fingers pulled at his shoulder blades as she buried her mouth into his collar bone, moaning his name. Over and over he ground into her, pushing as deep as he could, losing a little more control with each thrust.

As Jyn’s cries became faster and louder he knew she was close, and that when she came he would follow her over the edge. He snaked a hand between them, finding her small nodule again. His touch was electric and Jyn cried out, bucking her hips at the contact. Sinking into her with the rhythm of his fingers, she lost control under him. She came, Cassian’s name spilling from her lips, shuddering and rocking against him, her muscles pulsing in waves around him. It was his undoing, her pleasure his permission, and he thrust hard and filled her, calling her name, jerking his hips over and over as the release washed over him.

He collapsed onto her, still inside, breath heavy and uneven. Sweaty and wet, limbs entwined, they held each other. His pulse slowed and as he found his breath Cassian sat up on an elbow to look at her. A giddy, exhausted smile spilled across Jyn’s face as she kissed him. Foreheads together, they lay touching each other’s faces gently and smiling. Cassian would happily steal a thousand more Death Star plans if it meant he would end up in her arms like this again. 

\- - - - -

Outside the four walls of their room, ships jumped in and out of hyperspace. Coded messages were transmitted to allies and contacts. Scenarios of Imperial retaliation were drawn. The Rebel Alliance pushed on. 

Inside, tangled on the small bed, lay a rebel and a captain. They held this moment, pressed it between them, for as long as they could. Knowing that when it ended they would have to push on. It would, however, be different now: they were no longer alone. In the other, each had found a purpose, a home. Someone they could trust, and be trusted by in return. Someone they could love, and be loved by in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eee it's so cheesy and dumb and wonderful I couldn't help myself. Thanks to all that actually read and liked and comment on this - it means the world!! I'm on the tumblr @petey17 if you want to hang out.


End file.
